Ignore the Light, Follow Your Heart
by Alexaa-x
Summary: Frozen in your 18 year old body sounds like what most women would want. But what if this body is seen by no one and heard by no one? Extended summary enclosed. Sort of OOC. Canon Pairings. Rated M, could be lang/intimacy.
1. SummaryPreface

**Extended Summary:**

**Frozen in your 18 year old body sounds like what most women would want. But what if this body is seen by no one and heard by no one? For Bella, living as a ghost for the past 7 years has been a disastrous sentence, surely there must be a reason for her extensive existence? 'Seeing the light' is widely believed to mean that your ready to leave the earth as we know it, so why hasn't Bella seen it?**

**Hey! It's Alexaa-x here =). This is my first fan fiction people, i'm hoping you like it. Here is a short preface to give you a hint as to what's to come :). Your in for a bumpy ride!  
**

_Playground school bell rings again._

_Rain clouds come to play again._

_Has no one told she's not breathing?_

_Hello? I'm still here, all that's left of yesterday._

_Evanescence - Hello_

Preface

In these past two months my 'life' I had gone through the biggest changes I could ever imagine, more so than my human life.

The face that I couldn't shake from my head (not that I wanted to) distracted my every attempt to grasp even the smallest inch of attention.

I felt like every melodramatic teenager around me although I had once laughed at their naive look on what they had seen of the world.

It made me realise I had seen no more than them, just the repetition of it.


	2. My Life, As I Know It

**Alexaa-x here =). My First Chapter! How Exciting! I really hope you enjoy it. I've had it written for months and finally plucked up the courage to post it. Second chapter is not yet written but I will be working on it and get it to you soon my lovelies.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. BUT, I do own the plot line to this story. (Edward whispers things into my ear at night, you see)**

Chapter One - My Life, As I Know It.

Sunday, as if that day wasn't bad enough, it consisted of its normal gruelling, self-pitying activities, as did every other day.

Since I had come to terms with the fact that I was a ghost, poltergeist, wreaking piece of icky Bella ectoplasm, I found nothing to do with my life but accept it had no meaning.

With what seemed no force at all I kicked through my Dads old kitchen table, leaning my neck on the back of the seat I occupied. I stared at the dust particles floating above me aimlessly blowing at them. The ability to move and affect things around me and also move through them give me the incline that I should be haunting and wreaking havoc on this small town of Forks. Running through the centre of town punching through people's heads held no appeal to me anymore, I wasn't going to receive any attention, no need for the head punching, it wasn't their fault. I also didn't like seeing how my touch made them shiver unintentionally.

I took a look around the house I live in; little did my dad - Charlie Chief of Police to the good people of Forks - know. After mourning my loss for a sturdy 7 years he never failed to take a few minutes out to have a quiet conversation with one of my pictures that sat above the deteriorating sofa on the shabby yellow wall. He would tell me about his day not hearing my replies and interest. What I wouldn't give to let him know I've been with him all along, although my talent for being able to pick up an object of my choice would probably freak him out too much. I wouldn't want the poor man to fall into cardiac arrest.

The word cardiac arrest struck a cord in my memories. It reminded me of a grim, rainy scene which was the last day I heard the rhythm of my beating heart. It was the last week of senior year and I, like everyone else, was ecstatic to be escaping the boring walls of Forks High School (Go Spartans, wooo. Luckily I haven't lost the use of sarcasm in my afterlife). I'd picked up a fast pace from my last class, Biology with Mr Banner as I recall, to get to my truck. I had to stop at the supermarket to pick up groceries for Charlie, I was making him a special dinner because of my lack of communication recently, studying for exams that year turned me into zombie which absorbed books. I grimaced at the thought of knowing that I sounded like a goody-two-shoes in my final days of life. What I wouldn't give to have had at least one rebellious night in my human life. Somehow stealing cookies out of the jar when Charlie was in bed didn't seem like quite enough.

I pondered back into the thought of my last day as human. Out of all the days in my life it's only natural that I know the details of this particular day. I remembered the supermarket had the smell of plastic and cardboard in the air, no doubt coming from the bulged out shelves of packed food. I was going to make something other than fish tonight. All week we had been eating fish with either boiled potatoes or in Harry Clearwater's form of home-made fish fry. I'd decided to go with Italian food. I'd even joked to myself that I should stick a sign of the front of the door saying 'La Bella Italia'. I wouldn't go that far knowing that Charlie would most likely get suspicious thinking I wanted something. I figured I could probably skip a night watching his narrow eyes peer at me with scepticism.

Paying for my spaghetti sticks, Bolognese sauce and garlic bread, I had glanced out the window and noticed a dirty, navy van full of men who looked to be in their twenties. I caught one of their eyes and looked away immediately feeling the pink blush spread warmly across my face. They were blasting music and I noticed one of the lines in the song was 'I'll reach in and take a bite out of your heart'. There goes potential friendship, I joked with myself. I stifled a giggle and pressed my lips into a hard line, no need for the shop assistant to think I was crazy. I read the shop assistants name tag to take my mind of the blaring music, it read 'Holly'. I watched Holly chew on her gum at a rapid speed whilst scanning my items. Her brown hair shone in the light that came through the huge windows. Eventually I made it out of the shop without commenting on the fact that Holly looked like a cow grazing.

I rushed to my old faded red '59 Chevy truck, with plastic bags in both hands. It was only natural that by the time I was at my truck my hair was covered in rain beads from the predictable misty wet that fell from the sky. This was one of the disadvantages of living in one of the rainiest towns in the continental US. It made me miss the sunny days of my childhood in Phoenix, Arizona with my mother. After escaping Forks, she remarried a decent guy named Phil who played minor league baseball. He travelled a lot and I knew it made her upset staying at home so I told her to travel with him and I would move to Forks to live with my seldom-seen father. Little did I know at the time that this place would be the death of me, not because I hated it so much but more literal in the sense of the word.

As I pulled as hard as I could to close the faded red door of my truck I heard shouting from the navy van across the parking lot. A husky voice called to me 'Hey! You in the truck!' I automatically looked up and made eye contact with the grinning man. He had short black hair and dark eyes. When he smiled his eyes crinkled up which aged his appearance, he couldn't be more than 25. It was the same guy who I had made eye contact with in the supermarket. He wore a yellow and blue Hawaiian shirt which looked wet from the misted rain that was now getting heavier. His shirt made me raise my eyebrows in confusion considering I was bundled up in a winter jacket and mittens, June or not it was still freezing and raining.

I ignored their shouting, one reason because I couldn't hear over their music but mainly because the look on the black haired guys face just creeped me out. He looked like he had been living with the rats for a few weeks. I started my car moving it into a gentle glide in first gear. I watched them in my

rear-view mirror looking at my truck as I left. I remember being pretty relieved as I escaped their watching eyes; something told me that if I had of spoke to them they wouldn't just want to share stories on their favourite dinners.

Making my way down the familiar highway, I glanced up into my rear-view mirror noticing a familiar navy van so close that they lacked subtleness in following me. I felt my eyes widen and something jumped in my stomach. I told myself 'Come on Bella, get a hold of yourself this is a small town' I said the last few syllables slowly as if talking to a child, bad enough as it was that I was talking to myself. I reminded myself that wherever they were going they would probably have to take this road. I looked back in the mirror and the van had gone. I sighed in relief and took a look around the empty highway allowing myself to relax.

I heard screaming and the sudden blares of music in one split second. I looked to my side and saw the navy van speeding down a steep side road. The black haired guy had his head out the sunroof and his arms in the air screaming with euphoria rather than fear. I don't know how I managed to take in all the detail as clearly as I had but I looked straight through the front window and saw a look of pure horror on the drivers face. His arms stretched out as he pushed himself back on his seat. I saw a blonde haired man in the passenger seat shouting at the driver, I only hoped to God he was saying 'Brakes!'

Who cared about the man screaming out of the sunroof? Who cared that the car had followed me up the highway? The only thing that mattered now was the speeding navy van which looked like it promised to smash right into the side of my vehicle. Sure as hell there was a deafening crash and I felt myself move in synchronisation with my truck which I once thought a tank wouldn't be able to take down.

My truck started to tumble faster than I was able to, making me hit different areas of the interior. Although it was happening so fast and over in a matter of seconds, it felt life long to me, I watched each rock that I passed assuming that I was going downhill.

Two faces flashed before my eyes, the first being Renee, my crazy and over the top mother. It seemed as though I had time to think of all the things I loved about her. How scared she got when she read horror books at night, the excitement she had when she thought of a new idea. The stubbornness to let this idea go once she had learned it was impossible. Although I was nothing like her, I loved her like a mother loves a child. I was so thankful she had Phil if I didn't make it through this.

The second face was my father's Charlie, I saw his big dark eyes, which were identical to mine, his curly dark hair which shone in the sun and his eye-crinkling smile whenever he was truly happy. I worried that he would live alone, that I was all he had in his life, sure he had his best friends Billy and Harry to keep him company. But who would make his dinners? He can't live on fish fry for the rest of his life. Who was going to make his spaghetti Bolognese tonight?

So many questions went through my head that I only realised the tumbling had stopped; the banging was still there, presumably from my head being thrown about. I could hear a beeping sound ringing in my ears which was rapidly getting faster and faster. I could hear incoherent shouts around me, also a piercing through the left side of my body and my chest. The only words I managed to salvage were 'cardiac arrest!' and I heard the ravenous cries which could only be from my father.

My father.

I can't leave him; I have to make it through this. I felt my body push and push worthlessly, I could feel something though, something was trying to break free. I started pushing as hard as I could to stay alive until I felt release. Sudden ease swept over me and I felt no more pain. My eyes were closed and I felt a smile spread across my face. I felt like I was floating. The only irritating noise was the long, beeping noise which didn't have any breaks or stops this time. It seemed to meander its way through my brain making a furrow appear between my brows, I flashed my eyes open as quickly as possible. This sight caught me off guard. My hands flew to my mouth as I cried out in pain.

I watched my 18 year old body look lifeless. I wanted desperately to come down from this height push out the furrow from between my brows. I watched as Charlie ran to the side of my bed and grabbed on to each of my shoulders this action seemed as though it should be rough from the speed in which he grabbed me but it looked ever so delicate as if he was an artist holding one of his most fragile sculptures.

I used everything in my power to get Charlie to notice me. I waved frantically but he didn't notice a thing, nor did the doctors. I couldn't grasp what had happened. I'd heard of out of body experiences but I took them as nothing more than myths created by attention seeking, superstitious, crystal ball type people.

I watched Dr. Williams apologise to Charlie, he was breaking down. I could see all the walls he built crumble before his eyes. It was unequivocal that he would never get peace to mourn on his own. Being the Chief of Police meant everybody knew you and your family. He would constantly be reminded, probably sparking up paranoia every time somebody whispered as they walked past. 'That's Charlie Swan, his only daughter died in a car accident, never been the same since.'

I wondered to myself what happened now. It was apparent I was dead. If I wasn't there would still be shouting and havoc, Charlie would be biting his nails rather than lying beside my bed in utter turmoil. Wasn't I supposed to see a light or something? I done a 360° turn around my hospital room, cringing internally when I caught sight of Charlie's pained face.

I forgot everything at that moment because I knew what was happening next. Charlie pulled out his old mobile phone ignoring the 'Please switch of all Mobile Phones' sign. With shaking hands he attempted to dial a number failing his first few tries. When he finally got the number right, I watched him try to get a hold of himself. Then I heard the voice of my mother. When Charlie didn't speak she began shouting his name down the phone, panicking, no doubt. I wanted as much as I could to run over and hug my dad, the best dad in the world, and take the phone of him to tell my mother everything was fine. I knew before I thought it that it was impossible and I felt an internal tear deep in my chest.

I gave up looking for the light; I didn't want to find it. How could I leave my dad on his own? That was when I decided I wasn't going to leave him alone. He wouldn't know I was there but he would have a guardian angel always watching over him making sure he keeps himself in order.

I knelt beside him on the floor. I was crying so much it hurt; I heard my tears hit the ground; he looked down reflexively and then looked to the ceiling for the possible leaking roof. He gave up caring only wanting to look at my face which grew paler and paler.

The warm blush that normally resided on my cheeks had gone. It wasn't Bella anymore he was looking at. Bella was on his left waving her arms frantically trying to seize his attention. Knowing it was no use, I felt pure anger and hatred for those soulless wastes of space that have now left _my _body without a soul. I promised myself at that moment if I ever saw them again I would make sure they had no brakes to stop their van wanting to or not. Maybe I would leave an anonymous tip at the police station, a letter. Make sure they got what they deserved; it would only put Charlie and Renee at ease as well. Make their grieving for me shorter so that they could get on with their lives. Justice, I think is the right word.

I remember my first night of my afterlife watching Charlie toss and turn in his sleep. The most disturbing thing I'd ever seen. That, and also my grave; seeing the words 'Isabella Marie Swan Loving Daughter' was enough to make anyone uneasy.

The noise of a car door slamming broke me from my reverie. I glanced quickly at the clock realising it was the sound of Charlie's cruiser. Charlie was home for dinner. I wished I could make it for him and leave it on the table with the words on the front door I had once imagined 'La Bella Italia'.

I 'ghosted' up to take my regular position beside the sofa. Charlie entered and hung his jacket and gun belt up on the hooks. Without even looking towards the kitchen he marched straight to the sofa where my picture hung above. An embarrassing school picture from my senior year, I couldn't help but blush looking at my red cheeks. Charlie stared for a few seconds and begun speaking, 'Hey Bells' he had an over exaggerated frown which made me realise he was trying his hardest not to cry. The only hope I saw was the mending of that wall I had once watched crumble in his eyes. He was pulling himself together gradually.

I replied casually 'Hey dad how was work?'

'So... my day was err different. I know you like hearing all the bizz' He spoke not realising that his words were extremely true, also with a breathy laugh on the end of his last word. He rocked back on his heels seeming uncomfortable with his hands in his pockets.

'Come on dad, spill.'

'There's been a report on huge bears in the woods. Missing hikers and all that. Haven't seen them yet but I'll have my gun ready to protect myself when I do' I could see the sadness in his eyes. I knew what he really wanted to say, 'If I catch you anywhere near those woods I'll feed you to the bears myself '.

'Be careful dad'

'Don't you worry though Bella, I'll be careful, always am.'

Sometimes I wondered if he could actually hear me because his answers were so close to my questions. But I knew it was because I had 7 years of knowing what he was going to tell me.

He let out a sigh and walked to the kitchen. I heard him whistle on his way; a new tune? Something must have sparked this on. I wondered what it was, giving up when I realised I didn't care, as long as it was happiness and not angst.

I lay in my bed thinking about the coming day in school. I knew it sounded quite sad that I was set on redoing high school for... well... ever. If I'm going to live forever I might as well do something productive with my time. Haunting a castle doesn't sound as rewarding as learning another language or finally passing maths.

I knew tomorrow would be different from normal days there would be a better atmosphere, since being a ghost I had a better feel for atmospheres around people almost as if I can taste them on my tongue.

The difference in tomorrow is the new family that have moved to the area and will be attending our school. I heard Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory talk about it on Friday; they were talking about the potential hot boys. The Cullen's apparently. I eavesdropped in on stories about them Friday at lunch wanting at least some excitement although their melodramatic lives failed to capture my interest. All I caught was their names and that they are adopted. There is Dr. Carlisle Cullen who will be a new resident in Forks Hospital and his wife Esme; then there was Edward, Alice and Emmett Cullen and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. Apparently Rosalie and Jasper actually were twins. Oh the excitement. Ha, if only people could hear my sarcasm, I was just too funny.

Monday morning came quick. The great thing about being a ghost is the inability to sleep; I had sat up the majority of the night searching the internet for information about ghosts; nothing new as usual. I looked in my wardrobe for fresh clothes and set my previous ones at the back; I prayed to God Charlie wasn't planning on ditching my clothes any time soon. I decided to keep my long brown hair down where it hung to my waist, its extreme contrast made my face look ghostly pale compared to it (How ironic) I settled for wearing my dark blue skinny jeans with a pair of white guddies; then to go with it I chose a brown long-sleeved cashmere top. I started to question the point in changing clothes, 'Being dead doesn't mean I have to be a hobo' I told myself reassuringly.

I looked at myself for a long moment in the mirror, happy that I died thin. Eighteen years old, thin and in an unchanging state? Ha! I had it easier than most.

Looking closer I wondered to myself if Charlie can see my guddies sitting in the wardrobe, then if I were to put them on in front of him wouldn't he see guddies walking on their own? Like he would see a book moving on its own if I was to lift it? I deliberated further, baffling my own mind. There's some explanation somewhere but I doubted I would ever figure that out. Unless Albert Einstein's ghost came out of nowhere and told me. Laughing at my own genius humour I wished everyone could hear, I turned to sit back down on my bed.

As soon as I heard the end of Charlie's muffled snores I made my way downstairs to check if the milk was still fresh for his coffee. I had never actually thought about what I would do if it wasn't. Run to the local shop and take a carton? I'm sure I would make the shop keepers day if they saw a floating carton of milk. Maybe I could write on it with red lipstick 'Time to die!' then bring it right up in their face. There I go with the humour again, priceless.

It seemed since I turned into a ghost I was abnormally funny; or maybe that was just because there was nobody to tell me I wasn't. I disregarded the latter of the thought. I was freakin' hilarious!

I watched Charlie come down the stairs ready to leave for the police station, dressed in his black trousers and police jacket. I also watched him pull out a packet of playing cards from the drawer like he does every day; looking up sheepishly to see if anyone is watching from the window. He always failed to tell me that part of his day!

When Charlie left for work I did something I haven't tried in a long time, since I was human to be exact. I walked wearily to the cupboard pulling out the cereal; without bothering to get a bowl or milk I poured some into my hand. I stared at the rainbow coloured cereal for a long moment, then I shoved it into my mouth as fast as possible and began to chew. First of all because I was chewing so fast I didn't taste anything but then the flavours started to dissolve into my mouth causing me to salivate. It tasted so good! I could taste all the different fruit flavours of the loops that were in my mouth. Why had I never thought of this before? Happy with myself and with a smug grin on my face I swallowed. Hearing a smack on the ground I looked down. Shock overcame my face as I saw mushed up coloured mess lying on the floor. I looked at the floor as if it was at fault. I caught the reflection of my chagrined face on the steel of the oven. 'Who cares anyway?' I said out loud. I realised then that I don't need food, I don't need to feel it settle into my stomach to cease pangs of hunger; but I knew how good it felt with saliva building up around it in my mouth. Maybe I could chew and swallow but stick a bowl under where it's going to fall out. I deliberated that for a moment before deciding that next time I attempt to eat it will be a huge chocolate cookie with chocolate chips bigger than my eyeballs. Although thinking of how gross it will look in the bowl after was enough to put anybody off the idea.

I cleaned up the slush mess from off the floor and made my way to school. As Charlie had already locked the door I ran straight through it, giggling. It was always fun to run through objects, it tickled and made me shiver; one day I would have to step back and forth through the door; I imagined what type of reaction this would give my body and then I pictured myself lying on the ground laughing hysterically with ripples of tickles and shivers.

I enjoyed my run to school mainly because now I was a ghost I never got tired and I loved feeling the wind across my face. Although because of the mess on the floor from my accident I was late to my first class; not that this mattered Mr Purdy would never know. As I walked into my junior year English Literature class Mr Purdy was in full rhythm of a poem, it was by one of my favourite poets Alfred Lord Tennyson. He made me jump as I walked in as he announced in a loud voice

'Break, break, break

At the foot of thy crags, O Sea!

But the tender grace of a day that is dead

Will never come back to me.'

Part of this poem always made me laugh at how ironic it was. 'Huh, actually I'm right here. HELLO?' I waved my arms frantically in front of him. 'I give up.' I surrendered quietly, even to me.

I took my normal spot at the back of the class where no one would see my pencil wagging on its own. Mike Newton was sitting in front of me talking to Tyler Crowley about Jessica and Lauren. This irritated me because I didn't come back to high school for the fourth time to listen to petty dramas. I contemplated taking off my shoe and throwing it at his over gelled blonde hair. Luckily, for Mike, Mr Purdy interrupted their conversation about who had the better legs; apparently Lauren was winning. Shushing them down he announced to the rest of the class that he would be back in a few minutes.

Great, I can just see in the near future a paper airplane being thrown to the back of the class; I deliberated what the students would think if they saw it stop in mid air; me being the only one knowing that it tangled in my hair.

With nothing to do but wait, I wondered if I would be friends with Mike and Tyler or Jessica and Lauren for that matter if I were actually in their year now. Mike seemed like a genuinely nice guy but was influenced a lot by the darker workings of Tyler's mind. I did sit with these people at lunch because they seemed the most talkative, I could pretend that I was actually part of the conversation. Of course, I could only sit there if a chair was already pulled out.

The people who sat at this table were Mike and his friends; Tyler, Eric Yorkie and Ben Cheney. Also Jessica's friends; Lauren, Angela Weber and Katie . Tyler was an African-American who once called himself 'so thug' I was mesmerized by the idiocy of such phrase as his lone diamond earring sparkled in the light. Eric was a shy type of boy which longish black hair which he straightens, it was obvious by the way he stared at Mike that he felt pure resentment towards him. I always wondered why he even bothered being his friend until I noticed he had eyes for Katie. Mike and Katie were friends so I assumed Eric had a plan somewhere. Katie was shy also, with short dark hair. I wondered if Eric had ever noticed her looking at him so he would see the futility in Mikes' friendship. Katie was close to Angela who seemed like the nicest person at this table.

Maybe it was just because I was a ghost, but it was so obvious the solution to the petty dramas which most likely kept them up at night thinking, it was obvious where the links were strong and where the links were inevitably going to break.

Jessica with her long dirty fair hair was a malicious girl. The sight of her made me angry but not as much as Lauren. Lauren and her short corn silk coloured hair was the most two faced girl I'd ever met! Well not that she knows about. Maybe I'll go to her house one night and shave her precious hair off.

I don't know why I let their maliciousness bother me, it's not like I ever had to worry about it. But hearing them laugh at Angela's height behind her back just made me rage with anger. Angela was a nice girl with honey blonde hair and stood at around 5'9. She was easily prettier than Jessica or Lauren. With a more than obvious crush on Ben Cheney.

I would go to both Jessica _and _Laurens house and remove _both _of their wigs. Laughing at my own plans that I new I would never go threw with, I glanced up at the door when someone I didn't recognise walked past.

She was inhumanly beautiful. Her skin white as the snow. Her eyes a Golden Butterscotch colour. Her hair dark in the extreme compared to the colour of her face. Her hair came down to her chin and was spiked sideways from her face, her short side fringe blended well with her flared spikes. She had a thin body. She had to be one of the new kids.

What I wasn't expecting was the eye contact we made. Only for a short second, but I could of sworn she looked at me and smiled. I was in too much shock to have a reflex smile back. I didn't need reflexes in this sense anymore, nobody looked at me. For 7 years I have been ignored by everybody I have ever seen, yet she looks directly at my face.

No, she couldn't have seen me I was a ghost for Christ's sake.

She could have smiled because I was giggling to myself.

Bella! She didn't see you! She was probably smiling at Mike or something.

Ha, no he's not that lucky.

I couldn't get over how beautiful this girl was, I wondered if she was one of the Cullen's or a Hale twin.

My thoughts were interrupted when Mr Purdy walked into the room resuming his lesson. He called the class to order and I slowly pushed what happened to the back of my mind.

**Well? What did you think? So did this mysterious new kid see Bella or is she just trippin'? I can just picture her twinkling smile :D, come on Bella, get some reflexes!  
**

**I'd really appreciate it if you reviewed and told me what you thought. I also accept annonymous reviews so fire away =D. That little blue sentence is caaaaaalling you!**


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